Servant, Soldier, Son

The path of maturation in a child

How do we educate our children or students in a way that makes them want to do the things they ought to do? It seems most every child goes through a stage where they want nothing to do with what is being asked of them: read a great book, watch a Shakespeare play, clean their room, shower, use deodorant. Is there a path to maturation for them?

An ancient pattern is the pattern of servant, soldier, and son. The idea here is that every person fits into one of those types. In fact, most people go through each of those, so that the person who acts like a servant eventually begins to act like a soldier and then can go on to act like a son. The path is both one that describes a person at a certain point in his life and describes the path each of us needs to follow in order to become a son or like a son. So, what are these “stages?”

The servant is the one who obeys out of fear of the consequences, the negative consequences. The child who obeys so that he doesn’t get a spanking or get grounded is the child who is acting like a servant, in this paradigm. The Christian who doesn’t watch pornography because “what if Jesus comes back while I’m watching it,” is acting like a servant. There is nothing wrong with acting like a servant—especially insofar as one does what is ultimately for his own good—but it is a lower level of motivation.

The soldier is the one who obeys out of a desire for reward, or as the ancient prayer says, because of “the promise of blessings to come.” He isn’t afraid of negative consequences, he desires the reward of his labors. The child who cleans his room to get praise or to get an allowance is acting like a soldier. The Christian who doesn’t eat gluttonously because he wants to be fit and healthy is acting like a soldier. Again, there is nothing wrong with acting like a soldier—because it is ultimately for his own good—but it is a lower level of motivation.

The difficulty with lower levels of motivation is that they are easily replaced by other punishments or rewards. The child or person who only does good out of fear of one punishment or out of desire for one reward can more easily be persuaded to participate in some other behavior by one who threatens a greater punishment or offers a greater reward.

The son is the one who obeys out of love for the other, out of a sense of loyalty to the identity the other offers. He obeys because the activity itself is good, good for him, good for the one suggesting it, good for the community of which he is a member. The child who thinks to himself, “I’m going to clean the garage because mom will like it,” is acting like a son. The Christian who doesn’t gossip because “that’s not what a Christian does” is acting like a son.

The interesting thing about this paradigm is that we all want to raise and educate sons, but we don’t know how to get them there. So, we embrace parenting and educational tactics that treat them like they are sons and expect that to lead them to acting like sons. What the paradigm suggests, however, is that we might need to go through these stages. The threat of punishment makes us obey in a way that we learn that the thing we are doing is good for us—and not just because I agree with it. This leads us to trust, insofar as the person actually follows through on the threats, that they are someone who looks out for our good and who keeps his promises. Thus, when the child enters the soldier stage, the promise of blessings to come is something the child will have faith to follow. And, the child will also learn that the person keeps his promises and is still looking out for his good. After that, the child can enter the son phase, knowing that all of those threats and all of those rewards were leading to the ultimate truth that the requests for obedience were actually for his own good and his community’s.

It might just be that every child, even in the classroom, must go through these stages. Do your schoolwork or get sent to the principal’s or receive a bad grade. Do your schoolwork and receive a good grade, a ribbon, a certificate. Do your schoolwork because knowledge is good for its own sake. Be a servant but seek to become a soldier. Be a soldier but seek to become a son.